A number of free food events fill this Wednesday evening, so many that we’re going to split the listings into two posts. Starting in right now in Lerner Party Space, QuAM is hosting “panelists from across the political spectrum” to talk about LGBTQ issues, with chips, soda, and cookies to help the discussion go down easily.

Later, at 7, Stressbusters are offering free back rubs and food in the Broadway lobby, to help you get over all those midterm-related repetitive motion injuries. More study breaks to come soon.

Also, adding a dose of free controversy, controversial Dutch politician Geert Wilders is speaking tonight at 8:30 in IAB, though GOPers tell us to get there early. His speech last night at Temple was cut short due to crowd trouble, so though Wilders has agreed to focus his talk on free speech, fireworks are not exactly unlikely.

Hey jobless alumni, why so glum? With your Columbia degree, the world is at your fingertips: first phone sex operating (“executive stress relief”), and now digital entrepreneurship. Bwog caught up with Kareem Shaya, former Fed editor-in-chief and inventor of famous website Send Barack Your Baby, which lately has gotten all sorts of attention from the rest of the internet, namely Gawker and CNN.

The website provides an opportunity for parents to ship their children in boxes to Illinois so that they might be kissed by a certain other Columbia grad. Except it doesn’t actually, which is why the slideshow of Obama-supporting babies features no baby-in-box pictures, to remind us it’s only a joke and that babies can’t even vote. 

One newsanchor in the CNN video also cautions us not to send an actual infant but “if you do, be sure to use bubble wrap.” At which point she suffocates a doll with bubble wrap and sticks it in a carboard box. Mazel Tov Kareem!

If you’ve been a little sour on dear Alma Mater lately, an anonymous Bwog informant has just stumbled upon something to restore your faith in your degree and your Columbia.

This gal’s a CU grad — just like many of you! (Go Lions!) She majored in Anthropology. And also like many of you, she loves to just gab away on the telephone, except her telephone conversations are infinitely more lucrative and sexy (?) than yours:

“Men call me for an infinity of reasons. Of course, they call to masturbate. I call it ‘Executive Stress Relief.’ It’s not sex; it’s a cocktail of testosterone, fueled by addiction to pornography, loneliness, and the need to hear a woman’s voice.”

See? Plus, there’s hope for those of you questioning the worth of your English/Anthro/Philosophy/Comp. Lit. degree:

“I make twice the money I made in the corporate world. I work from home, the money transfers into my bank account daily. I’m Scheherezade: If I don’t tell stories that fascinate the Pasha, he will kill me in the morning.”

Ha! Hear that econ. majors? Twice the money and 100% more phone sex.